To the first and only guy who cheated on me, who made me feel that I was not enough…thank you.
I remember the day(s) you told me about your unfaithfulness. After school you wanted to drive around and talk, we parked your Ford Explorer in Downtown Canton in an empty parking lot. We made small talk for a few minutes until I finally gathered enough courage to ask, “Is there something in particular you want to talk about?” You took a deep breath and my heart sank, what was going to come out of your mouth? You began to explain the party you went to last weekend (the party hosted by a girl that I had not heard good things about, but I trusted you anyway). You then told me that she had come onto you, that she had kissed you, but you pulled away. I was shocked, but at the same time not surprised? I had heard about her and the “kind of girl” she was, but I had a peace of mind that you pulled away from her and that you told me personally. I wasn’t mad or upset, I thanked you for coming to me and I let it go. But what if I would have reacted differently? Would you have ever told me (three days later) what REALLY happened that night? I don’t think so. I doubt that you would have ever told me that you slept with her, just like you didn’t tell me that it was actually a threesome with that girl and your best friend.
But I’m not here to talk about the situation in detail. I’m here to talk about how it ruined me and the person I was, and how it developed me into the woman I am now.
Being cheated on by the one person you never thought would hurt you can really mess someone up. I never had insecurities, up until that moment and then I became my biggest enemy. I was never enough in the relationship that I had chosen to stay in, and every “friend” you made (that was a female) I felt was a better fit for you than I was. Obviously the relationship didn’t work out because the choice you made caused the issues I began to have with myself. You truly ruined the person I was, happy and confident. I never thought I was special by any means, but I knew I was loved and thought I was perfect for you. You made me become a monster, someone who would look into the mirror everyday and would purposefully put myself down. I knew I was in a dark place and for the first time in about four years, I had to rely on myself for happiness. This was a big transition for me considering I became ridiculously dependent on you and our relationship after the incident. I had always been told that you cannot be happy with someone else until you’re happy with yourself, I never knew how incredibly true this statement is, and was at the time.
We went home for the summer, and from what I remember we didn’t talk a lot. I began doing things by myself and hanging out with different people, it was actually refreshing and I could start to envision myself happy…without you. Little did you know, I went on dates and started rekindling with the guy you forbade me to talk to (btw, we kept in touch the entire time). For the first time in, oh I don’t, three years, I wasn’t questioning my worth. I was content with myself and was on my own for eight months, before I started dating the man of my dreams.
Here is the part where I start to thank you; thank you for cheating on me, thank you for the toxic relationship we continued to be in two years after the fact, but most of all, thank you for pushing me to remove myself from the situation. Thank you for damaging me so I could find the strength to repair myself, and to find a man who continues to build on my self worth. I still had issues when beginning my new relationship, I was happy and independent, but had a difficult time believing the statements he told me. I remember him telling me in the beginning of our relationship, “I will make you feel beautiful and you will slowly start to see what I see.” Here I am, a year and a half later with the man I know I am made for, happier than ever. I know I am enough, I know I will never have to worry another woman, I know I am with the one whom my heart desires.
To the boyfriend who wrecked me, thank you. I have never been so pleased with myself and who I’ve become. I am beautiful and independent, I am loved and more than enough for the man I will marry.